Clarifying Your Purpose

Enjoy this excerpt from the Purposefulness chapter of Your 12 Inner Strengths, the new book by Stacey Thompson, founder of Virtues for Life.

How often do we take the time to ask ourselves, “Am I happy? Do I feel fulfilled? Am I where I want to be in life?” These questions may come about unintentionally. A breakup, an accident, or recovering from an addictive behavior compels us to reevaluate the choices we’ve made or didn’t make. Or maybe we feel dissatisfied, even a pervasive emptiness, a lingering feeling that we’re destined to do more, be more.

We long for more joy, meaning, or expansion of our world. Self-discovery, whether intentional or not, can be the single most valuable quest of our lives, guiding us to our purpose.

What Is Self-Discovery?

Understanding our purpose begins with the courageous journey of self-discovery—a process of uncovering our values, talents, skills, and desires. It’s about finding out what inspires us at our core and identifying the beliefs holding us back from achieving that dream. Through this brave yet vital inquiry into the lovable and not-so-lovable parts of ourselves, we uncover who we are and what we want.

Here are thought-provoking questions to help guide your self-discovery journey:

What do I value?
What are my talents and skills?
What am I passionate about?
What dream do I want to fulfill?
What am I willing to struggle for?
What beliefs or perceptions hold me back from what I want?
Is a self-sabotaging behavior affecting my life and potential now? (You may need the help of a therapist to help you explore a trauma.)

In the words of the famed writer T.S. Eliot, “We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.”²⁷

We can apply his words to our own journey of self-discovery—when we explore and learn about ourselves, we return to who we are and know ourselves for the first time. We bring the unconscious to light, potentially redirecting our lives toward what truly matters to us and what satisfies our souls.

What Are You Willing to Struggle For?

American self-help author Mark Manson believes that a critical question to ask ourselves is not “What do I want out of life?” but rather “What am I willing to struggle for?”²⁸ He explains in his insightful article, “The Most Important Question of Your Life,” that the answer to the latter question is more significant in determining our success.

Throughout his youth, Manson dreamed about being a rock star but wasn’t willing to practice daily, put in the hours or years of hauling gear, finding gigs, and dealing with broken equipment. He wasn’t willing to struggle for it. He compared his dream to climbing a mountain, where he only desired the view from the top, not the arduous climb itself.²⁹

According to Manson, our willingness to struggle for something is a major clue to finding out what we want to do with our lives. If we aren’t willing to sacrifice, feel uncomfortable, or be willing to endure the pain, then we know it’s not important enough for us to pursue.³⁰

Take a moment to reflect on Manson’s question: What are you willing to struggle for? What dream are you willing to pursue for months, even years, giving your all while facing rejections and setbacks, just to achieve it? If you have the resilience and fortitude to bear that struggle, then you’re on the path to achieving that dream.

What Do You Value?

How does knowing what we value help us find purpose? Typically, what we value is where we place our attention. What we value shapes our lives, for better or worse. If we value creativity, we spend time on creative endeavors. If we value achievement, we set goals and achieve them. If we prioritize social status, we may chase material possessions. Valuing people’s opinions of us may mean saying “Yes” to them when we want to say “No,” while valuing self-respect means prioritizing our happiness and well-being.

What we value guides our choices and, in turn, the direction of our lives. Think about the ways you’d ideally like to spend your time. Perhaps how you want to live your life and how you are actually living it are in opposition. Are you going against what you truly value? If so, you can shift to making choices that reflect your values. By doing this, you can uncover the purpose that feels true to who you are.

What Are Your Talents and Skills?

In addition to your values, understanding your unique talents and skills can guide you toward your purpose. You may already be capitalizing on your gifts or you may need to dig deeper to find them. If you’re unsure where to begin, life coach and author Talane Miedaner suggests seeking insights on your strengths, weaknesses, talents, or gifts by asking family, friends, and colleagues.³¹

Often, others can see qualities in us that we might easily overlook. They recognize you as an exceptional communicator, natural negotiator, skilled cook, or confident leader. Knowing what you’re naturally good at can reveal your authentic self, helping you channel those strengths into meaningful work.

“After coaching thousands of different people,” Miedaner says, “I can safely say that people who do work in alignment with their natural talents and their core values are very happy, more likely to be financially successful than those who are unhappy, and they feel personally rewarded and deeply fulfilled.”³²

When we identify and honor our gifts by diligently pursuing them, we unlock our potential, enrich our lives, and positively impact those around us.

What Are You Passionate About?

Passion is often described as a strong feeling or desire for something, whether it’s an activity, object, or concept. She has a passion for helping children. He’s passionate about art. Her love is gardening. What we feel passionate about helps us discover a purpose. But what exactly is the difference between passion and purpose? Passion is an intense emotion for a person or thing, while purpose is how we steer that passion into meaningful action.

What do you feel passionate about? You know you have a passion when your heart aches for it, when you feel a lift every time you think about it, and when you’d rather being doing that thing than anything else.

If you’d like to find a passion, try things that pique your curiosity. When something captures your interest, consider developing it into a personal project or, if it resonates deeply with you, even your life’s mission.

For example, if you’re passionate about technology, consider developing an app that solves a common problem you’ve noticed. If you love fitness, perhaps become a certified trainer and offer classes in your community or online. Maybe designing jewelry or creating greeting cards inspires you. If so, you can open an Etsy storefront.

As you explore, notice what energizes and lifts your spirit. When your values, talents, and passion align, you can make a meaningful contribution to others—and experience true fulfillment and joy.

If you’d like to dive deeper into the twelve virtues that help you create your best life, this excerpt is from
Your 12 Inner Strengths: A Guide to Your Best Life Through the Power of Virtues by Stacey Thompson.